God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Randomize
