I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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