I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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