I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
