I wish I only lived at night.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
