just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
being pregnant is like rehab
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
