Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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