We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Can't talk, ducks in the car
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
