There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
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