we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize