I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
