I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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