I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
