Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
