So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
