I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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