Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
