And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
im having a threesome with these popsicles
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It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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