I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
