I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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