Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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