so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
