I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
