i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
