There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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