What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
