She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
