3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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