every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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