I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
