Whoa Z and x make the same sound
this beer tastes like vomit already
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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