if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
