Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
