The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
