have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
im six kinds of drunk right now
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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