Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Text me some of your sweat
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
