You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
