This is the prime rib incident all over again
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
