well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
