perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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