He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
