I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize