I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
