I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
