Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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