Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
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My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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