All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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