Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
