The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
