Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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