Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
