it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
