She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
