i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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