Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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