it was like fucking gandolphs beard
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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