The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
