Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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