Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
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Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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