she woke up with a sticky ear
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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