There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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