insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He keeps bees of course he's weird
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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