May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
