Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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