Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
