Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
