My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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