so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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