I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
