The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
