the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
