Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
